


Far Away

by thewaterfalcon



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Heartache, M/M, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-06
Updated: 2017-09-06
Packaged: 2018-12-24 17:03:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,312
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12017196
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thewaterfalcon/pseuds/thewaterfalcon
Summary: That I love youI've loved you all alongAnd I miss youBeen far away for far too longI keep dreaming you'll be with meAnd you'll never goStop breathing if I don't see you anymore





	Far Away

**Author's Note:**

  * For [JLPierre](https://archiveofourown.org/users/JLPierre/gifts).



> To my dearest Pierre, I hope you know how much you mean to me. 
> 
> Thank you to SandraSempra for the beautiful photomanip.  
> Thank you to jadepresley for beta-ing.

* * *

 

_ That I love you _

_ I've loved you all along _

_ And I miss you _

_ Been far away for far too long _

_ I keep dreaming you'll be with me _

_ And you'll never go _

_ Stop breathing if I don't see you anymore _

 

‘ _ Far Away _ ’, by Nickelback

* * *

 

 

 

November

  
Remus Lupin stopped, his breathing ragged, as he folded himself over the back of the bench. His legs had begun to shake a little while back, but it wasn’t until that moment that there was an intense burning pain coursing through his calves. His arms felt like two dead weights that weren’t meant to actually be a part of his body and were a discomfort he could really do without right now. 

He hadn’t noticed - not until he began to heave - how agonisingly empty his stomach was, or just how cold a breeze in the dead of night could feel upon sweat-drenched skin. 

 

It  _ couldn’t  _ have happened,  _ couldn’t _ . It was a lie, some kind of trick, or perhaps a trap set by Voldemort. It had to be anything,  _ anything _ except what they were saying. 

 

_ Lily and James? No!  _

 

_ Peter? No!  _

 

_ Sirius? No! _

 

_ Please...no! _

 

The urge to scream was simply too great, for Remus and for Moony.  _ Moony -  _ Remus could do with the wolf taking on a more dominant role in his subconscious right now, if only to give him a way to forget for a little while. Unfortunately, on the night after a full moon - and especially  _ this  _ night, when Remus’s battered body, fractured mind, and broken heart were at their weakest - all Moony could grant his human side was an earsplitting, thunderous howl that erupted from Remus’s mouth. The half-howl, half-scream echoed through the night in an explosion of sheer, raw pain.

 

* * *

  
  


October

 

Sirius’s arms had found their way around Remus before the werewolf could fully formulate what was happening, having stumbled through the door of the Order headquarters only half a second prior. Sirius had crashed into Remus, at what Remus could only determine must have been full speed. “Thank fuck,” he heard the achingly familiar voice whisper somewhere close to his left ear.

 

Finding, for the first time in three weeks, the trace of a smile tug at the corners of his mouth, Remus let out a lengthy sigh and allowed himself to be pulled fully against his boyfriend. The tenseness of his forced movements left him somewhat as he wordlessly granted Sirius permission to take a good deal of the brunt of Remus’s weight while he leant, almost entirely, on Sirius’s shoulder. “Come on,” he heard Sirius say, “let’s go home.”

 

Remus, who was finding opening his eyes something of a problematic challenge, heard himself muttering, the voice sounding unfamiliar and estranged, even to himself, “Need...to give...report.”

 

Sirius snorted as Remus’s head lolled on the leather-clad shoulder. “Screw the report, you’re going to bed. I knew this one was too fucking much, not after the last time,” he heard Sirius mutter. “Hold on as much as you can.”

 

“But...no...rep-” Remus’s reply was lost somewhere between exhaustion, pain and the woosh of apparition.

 

* * *

 

September

 

“I just wanted you to know -” The words sound strange, muffled almost, and now he came to think of it, shouldn’t he really be able to  _ see _ Sirius speaking to him?  _ Strange,  _ Remus thought to himself, hazily,  _ shouldn’t I be able to see, well, anything?  _ “- that I love you.”

 

_ Well, I love you too, you big soppy mutt,  _ Remus thought, lazily, from his oddly relaxing expanse of black. 

 

Sirius spoke again, through what Remus thought with surprise, was a sob,  _ how incredibly-un-Sirius, _ “I’ve loved you all along.”

 

_ Hmm, that’s nice. _

 

“How is he?” another voice rang out, again, familiar, and this time female.  _ Lily - hey! _

 

“These missions are too fucking much for him,” Sirius all but growled in reply. 

 

_ Alright, Grumpus, don’t get your knick- _

 

_ -Mission-  _

 

Through the dark, a memory flashed over Remus’s eyes like lightning.  _ Wolf...big wolf...bigger than Moony...pain...big wolf….blood...claws, and blood...lots of blood. _

 

“I agree,” Lily’s voice spoke in reply to Sirius. “It’s been two full days; has he woken up at all?”

 

Sirius’s reply was a lot softer than his last. “No.”

 

Remus heard a light patter of footsteps and knew Lily had gone. “You begged me to forgive you for doing this one,” Remus heard Sirius whisper, “And I forgive you, for being away for far too long.” Remus wished more than anything he was able to reply, or at least curl his fingers around the ones that had grasped onto his, to show Sirius something,  _ anything _ , instead of lying there, helpless and unmoving. “So keep breathing, ‘cause I’m not leaving you anymore.”

 

_ You weren’t the one who left,  _ Remus replied to himself, through tears he wished he were able to cry.

 

* * *

 

August

 

“Of all your mental ideas-”   
  


“This one is the best?” Sirius interrupted, eyebrows raised and mouth open wide in an expectant grin. 

 

“Well, it’s one of the the  _ most  _ mental, anyway.”

 

“Free booze, free  _ food, _ free fucking  _ cake,  _ Remus! This is the single greatest idea I’ve ever had!”

 

“You do remember that we were only supposed to guard this  _ general area,”  _ Remus said, gesturing vaguely with his arms, “and that  _ crashing a Muggle wedding  _ was not on the debrief?”

 

“De-brief, shmee-brief,” Sirius replied, before cocking his head, listening as the DJ changed the current song to another. “Oh! I love this song! Let’s dance!”

 

“I  _ really  _ feel this is a bad-”

 

At that moment, much to Remus’s intense embarrassment, Sirius opted to drop, dramatically, to his knees and loudly exclaim, “On my knees, I’ll ask, last chance for one last dance!”

 

“Get up, Sirius,” Remus hissed, feeling his neck begin to warm up as a number of nearby wedding guests turned to look, curiously, at the couple. 

 

“Not until you agree to dance,” Sirius replied, happily.

 

“Fucking  _ fine _ ! Now just get. Up. Now!”

 

In one fluid motion, Sirius rose to his feet. “Alright, no need to be so irate, Moony.”

 

“Don’t you  _ Moony  _ me, Dog.”

 

Sirius emitted a sound that was something between a groan and a moan, in his throat. “Do you know what? I think you might have been right all along,” his black hair flopping around his eyes as he stared at Remus, his expression having altogether lost his flippant jovialness. “I think I do want to get out of here.”

 

Remus raised one eyebrow in amusement. “Do you now?” 

 

“I do.”

 

“Careful you don’t say that too much here,” Remus said, biting his lower lip, “we’ll end up married.”

 

Sirius’s grey eyes locked into Remus’s green, before shooting Remus a mischievous wink. “I can think of worse things in the world.”

  
  


* * *

 

 

July

 

Sirius turned sharply, his fist balled and his arm raised. “Leave it,” Remus muttered, “it doesn’t matter.”

 

“Doesn’t-” Sirius began, incredulously, before Remus cut him off.

 

“No,” he began, sharply. “It doesn’t matter.”

 

Sirius narrowed his eyes, but he relented and lowered his fist, his expression still dark as he watched the sniffing Muggle man hurry away. “There will always be those who disagree with our...lifestyle,” Remus said with a sigh.

 

“We were  _ holding hands _ , Remus, not taking it in turns to lick each other’s arseholes.”

 

Remus snorted. “That would have given him a heart attack.”

 

“He’d deserve it.” Sirius paused. “Remus?”

 

“Hmm?”

 

“The world is already shit enough without not being able to hold my boyfriend’s hand in public.”

 

Remus shot Sirius a sideways look. “You really think I  _ wouldn’t  _ want to hold your hand?”

 

“Well, I don’t know...you looked pretty freaked when that guy started yelling and-”

 

Remus cleared his throat and raised one hand, silencing Sirius, before taking Sirius’s hand in his own once more. “With you, I’d withstand all of hell to hold your hand.”

 

“Fuck Moony, that was beautiful,” Sirius exclaimed with a grin, at which Remus returned the smile and took a small bow.

 

“It was rather, wasn’t it?”

 

* * *

 

June

 

The raid was a big one, Remus knew that - they all knew that - and yet sitting here, weak after a particularly rough moon, a moon he’d had to spend alone, Remus couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong. 

 

The Order missions were getting more dangerous, and every time they felt like they were making some kind of headway, the Death Eaters proved them wrong. The truth was simple, yet hard to take. They were losing. When Sirius wasn’t getting near killed by enemies, Remus was only just persuading other werewolves that he was trustworthy. He knew they didn’t fully believe him, and that’s why they had a tendency to use him as a punching, clawing, and biting bag. 

 

The seconds had long since turned into minutes, and each minute felt like a full day until finally, the next morning, Sirius returned. Battered and bloody, but alive. Remus let out what felt like his first breath since he’d awoke from the full moon, and rushed to pull Sirius into his arms. 

 

“I thought…”

 

Remus felt Sirius’s fingers roam through his hair and his voice, when he spoke, was barely more than a croak, “How many times, Moony, you think far too much.”

 

Remus’s vision was blurred through tears. “Never let me go.”

 

Seeming to realise that his dark sense of humour was better left to another moment, Sirius held Remus closer. “Never.”

 

* * *

 

May

 

“Really? It could be anything in the world and  _ that’s  _ your answer?”

 

Shrugging, Remus stretched his arms wide, “I like libraries.”

 

“The Remus-boring-Lupin library is now open for boring business...for boring people.”

 

Remus raised one eyebrow, “Has a nice ring to it, that.”

 

“ _ I’d _ want my own Firewhisky.”

 

“That’s way more boring than a library.”

 

“Is it fuck,” Sirius snapped, “and it would be distributed around the world so that everyone has the opportunity to taste the world-renowned Sirius Black. I mean, at present only you have that privilege and that really seems unfair; you’re depriving the entire world.”

 

“Oh yes, how positively selfish of me.”

 

“I’m glad you see my point.”

 

“Okay, what if I have some nice wine named after me?”

 

“Firewhisky and wine,” Sirius contemplated,.“Yeah, I think I like that.”

 

“Good.”

 

Remus looked up just in time to see Sirius smirk. “What?” the werewolf enquired.

 

“Just wondering whether having my own Firewhisky would ever feel as self-fulfilling as it does to know that a star was once named after me.”

 

Remus sighed through his nose, “How many times…”   
  


“Ha! I’m just kidding -  _ of course  _ it’ll feel just as self-fulfilling.”

 

“Why do I put up with you?”

 

“Because having Sirius Black as your better half is incredibly self-fulfilling?”

 

* * *

 

April

 

Throwing the bag on the kitchen counter, Remus growled as he scourgify’d the embarrassing white mess from his hair. “Fucking arsehole pigeons.”

 

“Oh, puh-lease tell me you haven’t been fucking pigeons again, Moony. You had feathers stuck to your cock for days after the last time.”

 

Remus turned on his heel, already glaring, to face Sirius, who was standing, leaning against the doorframe looking annoyingly upbeat. “You are fucking disgusting.”

 

“I’m not the one who goes around assaulting pigeons and honestly, I stood by you last time, but I think twice is a deal breaker-”

 

Remus, after swallowing bitterly at Sirius’s teasing, had began to walk towards Sirius, his eyes narrowed, and had cut Sirius’s words, pressing his lips to the other man’s mouth before gripping his hips tightly and pulling them against his. From somewhere deep in his throat, Remus heard Sirius emit a low, throaty moan, and wasted no time in grabbing Sirius’s t-shirt and hastily pulling it over his dark mop of hair. 

 

Sirius responded by running his hands up Remus’s own shirt and resting his palms against Remus’s stomach, before pulling the shirt upwards and over Remus’s head. “Fuck, I  _ love  _ two-days-before-a-moon Moony.”

 

Remus responded by finding the most sensitive spot on Sirius’s neck and biting down hard, to which Sirius hissed in pain and rolled his hips further forward. Remus could feel Sirius’s cock rubbing against his through their trousers. “Get,” Remus began, his voice nothing more than a low growl, “in the bedroom, now.”

 

“As you wish.” Sirius cocked his head, and Remus knew what was coming before Sirius said the word, and he knew that Sirius knew just how much it was going to turn him on. “Sir.”

 

* * *

 

March

 

“Moony?”

 

“Mmhmm?”

 

“Could you put this on, please?” Sirius asked, holding out Remus’s old, faded dressing gown.

 

“What? Why?”

 

“I’d just really appreciate it right now.”

 

Remus blinked and sighed, sensing something highly ridiculous and a huge waste of his time was coming. “Okay.”

 

After pulling the robe on, Sirius simply nodded and ran out of the living room, before returning, moments later, a sieve covering his head. 

 

“Sirius what in the-”

 

Sirius raised a hand to silence a bemused Remus. “Remus, I am your father,” he exclaimed, before exploding into a fit of giggles as Remus stared, incredulous. 

 

“Can I please modify your memory to make you forget every Muggle film that Lily has felt the need to show you?”

 

“Let me tell you something you already know, Moony. The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows-”

 

“NO!”

 

“It is a very mean and nasty place and-”

 

“I SWEAR TO MERLIN, SIRIUS!”

 

“And it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently-”

 

“STOP QUOTING ROCKY!”

 

* * *

 

February

 

Remus walked through the door of the flat with the weariness he wore on a monthly basis. _Damn Dumbledore,_ he cursed internally, making him attend a meeting so soon after a full moon, _and damn Sirius,_ for being able to pull out of said meeting due to _a personal emergency._ Remus grunted, the closest thing Sirius had come to a _personal emergency_ was running out of Firewhisky once their local off licence was closed. 

 

“Remus? Is that you?”

 

“No, actually it’s Ozzy Osbourne,” Remus cried back grumpily, before taking a long sniff. “Sirius, what the hell is that smell?” 

 

“Okay, babe would you mind not, err, coming in here?” Sirius called back from the kitchen, much to Remus’s surprise. 

 

“Sirius what did you do?” Remus demanded, not much in the mood to learn that Sirius had attempted to charmed a bludger into a loaf of bread because he was too lazy to go to a shop, or something equally as ridiculous that only Sirius could manage. Narrowing his eyes, Remus strode towards the kitchen and ignoring Sirius’s shout of ‘NO! REMUS DO  _ NOT _ COME IN HERE!’, pushed the door open. 

 

What met Remus was what could only be described as chaos. Every single cupboard door was flung open, every bowl, piece of cutlery and utensil they owned was spread around the surfaces, and everything appeared to be covered in a layer of flour. Sirius himself was standing in the middle of the room, utterly disheveled. Half his hair seemed to be slicked back with raw egg, his jeans were covered in more flour and a concoction of what looked like grated cheese, squashed carrot and honey, and he wore an expression of sheer hopelessness. “What in the world?” Remus breathed. 

 

Sirius’s shoulders sagged. “I was...err...going to make you a Valentine's Day dinner…” he trailed off.

 

Remus felt his demeanor altogether soften; as awfully as Sirius had orchestrated his idea, the plan was, Remus admitted to himself, a sweet one. “And instead, you had to fend off a pack of angry wildebeest from invading the kitchen?”

 

Throwing Remus a quick half-smile, Sirius sighed. “I don’t think I’m cut out for this.”

 

“No, Pads, I don’t think you are, either.”

 

“Do you fancy a takeaway?” Sirius asked, as both men began to shake with their impending laughter.

 

“I do,” Remus replied, “but first I’m putting you in a bath.”

 

“Aww, I was going to run you a bath.”

 

Remus raised an eyebrow. “Oh, I do plan to have a bath.” 

 

Throwing Remus an excited grin, Sirius replied, “With me?”

 

“Only if you promise me something?”

 

“Hmm?”

 

“Never cook for me again.”

 

“Deal!”

 

* * *

 

January

 

Sirius reached behind Remus and extracted the pack of cigarettes from the sideboard. “It’s hardly my fault the guy is a fucking pillock.”

 

“No, but it  _ is  _ your choice to antagonise him.”

 

“I can’t believe I’m bloody paired up with him; he chats shit all day and he reeks of dung...which is fitting I suppose since that is literally his stupid name.”

 

“Still, you probably shouldn’t have hexed him more than, say, three times in a row.”

 

“It was just a few stinging hexes, nothing that any decent Order member couldn’t have handled.”

 

Remus snorted. Usually he would have berated Sirius for behaving so childishly, but there was certainly something about Mundungus Fletcher that made him want to praise Sirius for the hexes. 

 

“What did he say afterwards?”

 

“After he’d stopped crying, you mean?”

 

Snorting again, Remus replied, “Yeah.”

 

“He said, ‘Are you fucking serious?’” Sirius replied with a grin and a wink.

 

“Oh no,” Remus said, immediately transported back to several memories of Seventh Year. “And you said?” he asked, knowing he already knew the answer. 

 

Sirius reached for the back of Remus’s neck, and pulled him in for a quick kiss, before stating, proudly, “I said ‘No, but Remus is!’”

 

Remus shook his head in amusement. “I love you.”

 

Reaching his hand back to the same spot on Remus’s neck, Sirius pulled Remus’s head downwards, to touch their foreheads together, before he replied, “I’ve loved you all along.”

 

* * *

 

December

 

“We can finally get rid of that pitiful tree,” Remus remarked, inclining his head towards the spruce. 

 

Sirius narrowed his eyes at Remus’s words. “Stop insulting Bob.”

 

“You named it.”

 

“ _ It  _ is not an it.  _ It  _ is a he, called Bob,” Sirius snapped as he took a gulp of Ogden’s finest Firewhisky. 

 

Remus raised his eyebrows and puffed his cheeks before letting out a slow, lengthy sigh. “Right, well  _ Bob  _ can finally be disposed of.”

 

“You shut your mouth!” Sirius cried, “Bob is an institution of this household, he’s a marvel and has surpassed everyone’s expectations.”

 

“I’d hardly call the fact that it has stood there for a year  _ surpassing expectations _ -”   
  


“ _ You  _ were the one that said a christmas tree couldn’t stay up for a whole year, you were the one that set those expectations, and now you act like Bob has achieved nothing!” Sirius’s arms were flailing and the look of seriousness upon his face was making it a struggle for Remus to not laugh. 

 

“Alright, Bob is the greatest tree that ever did tree, happy?”

 

“Not entirely, no.”

 

“What would make you happy?” Remus asked, eyebrows raised.

 

“Well, since we’ll be saying goodbye to Bob, I feel we need something else going down next year.”

 

Remus closed his book and cocked his head. “If I didn’t know you better, Sirius Black, I’d say you had a plan.”

 

“Me?”

 

“Yes, you.”

 

“I definitely do not have a plan.”

 

Remus blinked at Sirius’s lie and brought his book back up to eye-level. “Okay…”

 

Sirius remained silent for approximately two minutes, during which Remus noted with amusement how Sirius laced a guitar pick through his fingers, in the way he always did when nervous. “Remus?”

 

“Do you want to tell me your plan now?”

 

Narrowing his eyes, Sirius replied sheepishly, “Yes.”

 

Once again, Remus lowered his book and looked expectantly at Sirius. “I think,” the animagus began, taking a deep breath and looking uncharacteristically uncomfortable, “that we should spend this year planning our wedding.”

 

Remus’s mouth fell open. “Are you...are you asking me to marry you?”

 

“Maybe. I just thought it might be alright to do it this time next year, next December, you know?”

 

“Sirius?”

 

Sirius looked up at Remus through his tousled, black hair, his expression nervous yet his grey eyes were hopeful. “Yeah?”

 

“I’d love to marry you.”

 

“Next December?”

 

“Yeah,” Remus replied with a smile, “next December.”

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I am so, incredibly sorry...if it makes anyone feel any better jadepresley shouted at me after she'd finished beta-ing and called me a whole host of names...
> 
> PIERRE I'M SO SORRY I GAVE YOU THIS IS A GIFT, I WILL UNDERSTAND IF YOU WANT TO DIVORCE ME!


End file.
